The Chowder Bowl - 249
Hal Wastes His Wages
January 29, 2008

If you took the time to look back you'd see that I've dedicated a noticeable percentage of my columns to documenting my contempt for the fans of New England area professional sports franchises. Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, Patriots--even Major League Soccer's New England Revolution and Major League Lacrosse's Boston Cannons fans can all eat a steaming, "wicked big" bowl of shut the hell up. Four years of college in New England surrounded by Murphs and Sullys from "outside Baahsten" have fostered a deep-seeded contempt for loud-mouthed Massholes, their regional commonwealth and their mind-boggling misappropriation for the letter "R" (For example: "My favorite Staah Woaahs charactaah is Chewbawhker").

But while the dominance of their sports teams sends a pain to my gut, there is one field of endeavor where New England's supremacy is tough to dispute--they have the better clam chowder.

There, I said it. And in a freezer somewhere Ted Williams just smiled, because he'd know how much that pains me to admit. But the hearty goodness of a New England Clam Chowdaah out-and-out beats the potatoes off Manhattan Clam Chowder, and I'd dare you to find someone to dispute that.

Think about it--hunks of potatoes and clusters of clams wading in a creamy, savory broth thickened to the point where the spoon stands upright, so warm and satiating it could melt the ice off a snowman. If I see it on a menu it's a given, and as the temperature outside cools I cook up a few batches myself each year, thus referring to autumn not as football season but "chowdaah season."

Then there's Manhattan Clam Chowder. Acclaimed Chef and cookbook author James Beard referred to it as, "that rather horrendous soup called Manhattan Clam Chowder… [that] resembles a vegetable soup that accidentally had some clams dumped into it." First introduced by Italian and Portuguese fishermen in the 1930's, the soup was met with such fervor that in 1939 a bill was introduced to the Maine State Legislature in an attempt to make it a statutory and culinary offense to put tomatoes in chowder.

Personally, I'm not that fanatical in my chowder devotion, in fact I've even seen Manhattan Clam Chowder done right, notably at Biggie's Clam Bar (318 Madison St., Hoboken). But with all due respect (primarily to my good friends at Biggie's), in my book its relatively thin broth just doesn't compare to the rich integrity of a New England Clam Chowder. 

But why should you take my word for it? Stop by Duffy's (239 Bloomfield St., Hoboken) this Sunday for The Chowder Bowl--a battle for crockpot supremacy to determine which Clam Chowder has the potatoes to call itself king. I'm making a batch of each, putting them side by side and letting the voters decide. Spoons up at 4:00, and seemingly there's some other contest between New York and New England going on later that night.

Chow down, chowderheads and let me know what you think.

(In case you're uneasy with the idea, I stand by my cooking capabilities. I didn't get this fat on beer alone…)
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Christopher M. Halleron, freelance writer/bitter bartender, writes a biweekly humor column for The Hudson Current and websites in the New York Metro area. He spends a lot of his time either in front of or behind the bar in Hoboken, New Jersey where his tolerance for liquor grows stronger as his tolerance for society is eroded on a daily basis. Feel free to drop him a line at c_halleron@yahoo.com.

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