Taking Another Stroll: Stroller-Pushin' Mamas Revisited - 233
Hal Wastes His Wages
July 3, 2007
 

In a recent Real Estate section article, curiously titled “Falling in Love With Hoboken’s Prices,” a newcomer to our Mile Square tells The New York Times how she loves the vibe on our main drag, stating, “You walk up and down Washington Street and it’s all strollers, a fun atmosphere.” Back in January 2006 I penned an article on Hoboken stroller etiquette, or the astonishing lack thereof, which drew, shall we say mixed reviews. Considering the fact that an abundance of strollers is now seemingly a defining characteristic of Hoboken, perhaps it’s time once again to review a few “Quality of Life” issues brought about by the quantity of life being brought about.

To this day people still approach me with their take on the subject, and I’ve even received threatening letters from angry moms—one in particular promising to “run [me] down” with her double-wide Baby Bronco. You’ll be happy to know my ankles are still in tact, but I’m definitely looking over my shoulder a lot (bring it on, “L.A.”—I’m ready for ya’…). As indicated in the initial piece, my problem is not simply children or those who have children. I actually like children, so someone please tell that little kid who shot me and my girlfriend with a hose on Hudson Street last Sunday to drop his weapon because I’m not gunning for him (true story—luckily the girlfriend took the brunt of it…tee-hee…). My issue remains the blatant disregard and carelessness exhibited by those at the helm of these super-sized strollers, and I’ve noticed recently a few issues I failed to cover in my first volley.

Cell Block

In 2001, the New Jersey Legislature introduced a bill that established a penalty for using a cell phone while driving. I call upon Hoboken’s notoriously overzealous and grand-standing legislators to take it a step further and apply similar rules to curb the use of cell phones while pushing strollers. While a motor vehicle can arguably be controlled with one hand on a steering wheel, uneven pressure on a stroller causes said vehicle to veer to one side. With the attention of the stroller’s operator obviously focused elsewhere, quite often the result of this scenario is the stroller veering into the shin of some unfortunate co-pedestrian, who then gets the insult/injury combo from the sneering operator who is now convinced that someone just tried to kick her precious little bundle. Rather than assuming the world is out to harm your child, perhaps people should stop using their child’s means of conveyance as some sort of cowcatcher while gabbing away about Kings vs. Garden of Eden. Stay focused people—if “it takes a village” to raise a child, you might not want to piss off the other villagers.

No-No-Nanny

Perhaps even more of a threat to public safety than the actual mamas, gaggles of nannies often choke Hoboken’s sidewalks during business hours. They tend to rally in the parks, then take to cruising side-by-side in packs along the main drag. The big problem here is that these women care even less about who or what they crash the baby into because it’s not their kid. These women are the parking lot valets of the stroller-derby, and you’d be wise to give them a wide berth. And don’t bother yelling at them, because the second you get confrontational they immediately forget how to speak English and simply shrug you off.

Monkey See…

One of the more confounding scenarios I find on the streets of Hoboken is when you see mommy pushing some massive Humvee of an empty stroller while the little tyke is walking along…PUSHING ANOTHER STROLLER!!! Granted, it’s normally a tiny stroller with a little dolly inside and of course it’s certainly adorable in its own right. But do we really need a seemingly redundant inundation of strollers along our already congested walkways? Instead of two strollers for one child, perhaps they could consider going with, I don’t know, NO STROLLERS, since apparently junior can already walk. The only argument in favor of this phenomenon is that 9 times out of 10, the little tyke isn’t using a cell phone and probably still remembers fundamental tenets of society that frown upon ramming objects into other people’s legs.

Speaking of which, I’m heading over to that new Premier Soccer Shop (157 1^st St., Hoboken). After this article comes out I might want to invest in a pair of shin guards. Game on, Mamas… 

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