Beware the Ides of March Madness - 223
Hal Wastes His Wages
March 13, 2007
 

I find it rather fitting that the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament begins on the Ides of March, since my hometown Syracuse Orange got stabbed in the back.

Yeah, you should have known I’d be crying about this since pretty much everybody else is. Hell, even renowned ‘Cuse-basher Dick Vitale thought it was BS, though he has no questions about Duke getting a 6 seed or Virginia getting a 4 seed. Oh well, at least I’m not a Drexel fan. Even I can see they got the shaft harder than the Orange.

So let’s take a look at who actually made the tournament. My prediction for the title game will be Ohio State heavily favored over Florida. The Buckeyes will break out into a 7-0 lead and everyone will think it’s over, but Florida will respond and dominate the rest of the game, winning 41-14 and triumphantly walking off with the championship trophy. Why does that sound so familiar?

In all seriousness, I’m not drinking a drop of the Gatorade when it comes to a Florida repeat. Many are quick to anoint them, but they’ve proven themselves to be touchable. And for the record, I think Joakim Noah is a knuckle-dragging nutbag and his little dance at the end of the SEC Championship last Sunday certainly drove that point home. I haven’t seen that much pelvic overkill since the wedding band in Old School and I was just waiting for Noah to grab the mike and belt out an inappropriate version Bonnie Tyler. Turn around bright eyes, and look at everyone laughing at you for being a jackass.

Back to the bracket, there isn’t one team that jumps out as the one to beat. The #1 and #2 seeds are impressive, but not intimidating. There’s so much parity in men’s college basketball these days that this year’s George Mason could come from anywhere. I just hope it’s not Oral Roberts—I think the Christian conservative agenda dominates enough of this country, and I’d hate for them to misinterpret a Final Four run as a sign from God supporting four more years of backwards social legislation. I’ll pick Creighton, since I think it takes a certain amount of testicular fortitude to go to a school that gives a diploma with the word Creighton on it.

So there you have it—insightful NCAA analysis with about as much authority as any other clueless columnist might offer. Be sure to hang onto this and rub it in my face when Florida wins the title and Noah gets MVP.

More importantly, my girlfriend wishes to apologize to the team, students, alumni, residents (current and former) and supporters of Syracuse. When she made me throw out my faded, funky, rancid Syracuse hat earlier this year, she had no idea the karmic repercussions would effect their bid for the NCAA tournament. That’s got to be it, since nothing else can justify such a bold-faced snub. Sorry, Boeheim.

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